mountain out of a molehill

November 30th, Wednesday
you'd think that after half a life time of studying for exams that you'd be a pro by now. esp since the s'pore system is totally exam oriented. the truth is? i don't feel half prepared. 4 more papers in the next 3 days. -_-" i read a whole page and i can't seem to rem exactly what i read. thats it, when i finish my degree at 27 i'm gonna do further studies OVER MY DEAD BODY. lol. so fierce. this person's memory can't take all the long thesis' and discourses anymore. what happened to the "1+1=2"? profound logic encapsulated in a simple sentence. nowadays u get formulas like !@$(%)@!$($)!@#(. see? so complex they don't even turn out right when you try to type them out on a blog. haha. lame.

anw. change topic. this kinda describes how i feel right now.

ever stood infront of a hill and watch it grow bigger and bigger? and bigger? and then bigger? and then even BIGGER? well, sometimes i feel that way. the hill just keeps getting bigger. the bigger the hill becomes the smaller i become. the smaller i become the more i compare myself to the hill and the even smaller it makes me feel. vicious cycle. brings a comparison to a passage in the bible that talks about a group of 10 people who only saw the big obstacles and their small selves and decided to call it a day. god made those people walk around the desert for 40 years. ouch.

okay, so i'm not as bad. its not like i don't see god in the picture, i do. maybe not 100% clear all the time but yes he's in the picture all right. he's there, always there. he is our source, our strength, our salvation. but you know what? trusting in god doesn't always make the big hill go away. sometimes it does(divine intervention), sometimes it doesn't and sometimes it doesn't but you wish it did so you just assume the big hill away. technically thats called "forgetfulness". just like a big pimple on your face, walking away from the mirror doesn't mean that the pimple is gone just because you can't see it. thats simplistic, naive. the pimple is there whether u like it or not. i think that kinda describes my situation. the car goes forward only if you step the accelerator, you don't step? it dun go anywhere.

kay, so i trust that god is here in this situation and i look up again. wao, big hill getting bigger. i mean face it, sometimes circumstances are just out of your control. yikes, no way out? well truth is theres always a way out. the hill might not get any smaller, and you can try to wish it away, or you can start by making the preparations to cross it. make your plans well, chart your path, anticipate the pitfalls, know your route, assemble a team, get what you need, get going and don't stop till you reach your destination. its not an easy journey, frought with obstacles along the way, detours, dead ends and stuff but you know that if you persevere you'll reach the end. another bible passage encourages us to run the race with the aim to finish cos it ain't good enough to just start.

at times a change of perspective is in order. if you stop staring at the multi million storey high hill and allow yourself to be overwhelmed by its immensity and height, you could actually realise that if you were in a space shuttle high above the sky, that same towering mountain would be but a speck among the vast expanse of land. a matter of perspective, your perspective or god's perspective. its your attitude that determines your altitude. big mountains get conquered, one step at a time. can be done, will be done. must be done.

hope i've made sense to your reading.

disclaimer by the author: this post does not set out to be a "one size fits all" answer to all mountain climbing problems. note that big hills represent different things to different people who live in different situations. if you can identify with what i'm going through please understand that this solution applies specifically(but not exclusively) to me, therefore an exercise of wisdom is in order if you wish to apply to your unique situation. cheers. ;)