what is really important, really

21st January, Saturday
each of us is made unique. we are unique in our physical attributes, like our voices, our finger prints, our intelligence, our looks, our personalities etc. these are pretty obvious, but what came to my mind was how unique we are when it comes to what we think is important to us. when you are a certain age you think that finding the right secondary school is the most important thing, at another age you think that looking fashionably sharp is the most important, at another age you realise that you aren't complete without a significant other so finding one becomes the most important thing, at another age you think back on your life and wonder what significance it has been and you realise that making the remainder of your life count for something is the most important thing, perhaps at another point you also think that your parents have made huge sacrifices to bring you up and so making it up to them and taking care of them is the most important thing to you. indeed each one holds a thing important to them that is different from any other. but i do sometimes wonder where god fits in to the equation.....

i have to admit the things that surround me in this world take my attention easily, simply because they are tangible and they have an "in yur face" kind of attribute about them. if you had a mosquito bite on yur nose, it'd catch yur full attention because the itch is sooo tangible and you just can't get rid of it. which is why i easily get caught up in living my own life, i sometimes forget about god. ouch. i'll be really honest, there was a time not too long ago when i couldn't even find the time to read my bible, say 2 chapters a day. no time no time, busy busy busy these were some of the choice excuses i would feed my brain to stave of the hunger of guilt. and it just went on and on and on before i snapped out of it. i do look back at that time with disgust. if i was honest, i'd say i was busy busy busy, but not too busy to go catch a 2 hour long movie.....no time no time no time, but got soo much time to play dota (an average game is 1.5hrs)....tired tired tired, but sit infront of the tv/computer for hours on end.

if yur wondering why i'm talking bout this is cos i read a passage in matthew that provoked me deeply. matt 13:45-46 "..the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. when he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it". when i read this passage at first i thought this guy is either a crazy nut, or he's not. in which case he must have stumbled upon something, something precious and so important that he was willing to give up everything he had just to pursue that thing. have you found that thing that is so important that it would change your entire life if you had it? if your answer is yes, then you might wanna ask yourself again, is the pearl that you hold really a fine pearl? or just an imitation? or worst, you find one day that you are clutching on to nothing but thin air....what is your fine pearl? are you looking hard for it? it'll change your life.

i don't know about you, but i've found my fine pearl. jesus, saviour, lord, friend. =)

reflections of the day before

17th January, Tuesday
nothing spectacular in my reading today, but i'm still on schedule. =)

i attended my cousin's memorial service last sunday. it seemed like yesterday, i was driving with all my might to reach the hospital when i got a phone call from my mom telling me my cousin had passed on. i remember slamming my hands on the steering wheel with frustration, i would've kicked myself if i could but i was driving. i wanted to kick myself so hard cos i remember a few days ago we were gonna visit him but becos of some lame reason we didn't, he said it was okay and we thought there would always be another day. that day never had a chance to come, and now it was no more. i wanted to kick myself because it took me so long to make my way down to the hospital, i remembered recieving a call from mom when i was walking to church for musician practice at 2pm, i was leading. mom told me something happened but she didn't know how serious it was and she would update me as soon as she knew. if only i had immediately rushed down i'd at least have seen him a last time before he passed on....

anyway, i was suprised that a year later my cousin's cell group requested their pastor to hold a memorial service for him. suprised that these people who were in no way related to him, remembered him enough to organise the service. i would've thought that by now most people would have moved on with their busy lives and clean forgotten about him but it seems they still remembered. it was a touching service, my uncle spoke about how tough it had been through this past year. i think they were very touched that my cousin's cell group organized the memorial service for them. as i was sitting by the side during the service, it reminded me what church should really be like. people who go out of their way to help another believer in need. a place that extends beyond the four walls of the church where we hold our service and into the walls of every heart.

Thought of the Day

January 16th, Monday
can't quite rem the first thing that i wanted to blog in but here's the second. was reading a passage about abraham's journey to the promised land and it set me thinking. god spoke to him a couple of times before about how his descendents would be as countless as the sand, how they would inherit the promised land and that he needed to obey and leave the land of haran. then in the later passages that follow god speaks again, this time with greater clarity, saying that the sin of the canaanites had not yet reached it's fullness. you would think that god would have told him everything at once but it seems in this case that the picture was revealed to him a bit at a time.

this is my learning point cos i would prefer maximum clarity before making a decision, i mean who wants to be unsure? but then sometimes god reveals just enough for you to get a glimpse but not be able to cling on to it so that you cling on to him instead. its gonna be "rubber meets the road" time come december when i graduate. wonder what the future holds...

theres something that i remember i wanted to write down too, but for the life of me i can't quite rem. arghh. its like the other day i'm trying to rem wad is that korean restaurant that serves free flow of food for bbq....then the next day it dawned on me. seoul garden. ahahah. you think i'm doing senile right? i can't guarantee i'm not. lol. theres another thing i forgot the other day, but i forgot what i forgot. -_-" i dun think senility sets in at the age of 25....maybe 26? haha. nah.